Ethan’s mother Dorothy is spiraling through madness. Imagine my guilt from hating her so much. Ethan is distressed. Never has there been so much pain in his voice. Never has he talked about Jesus so unceasingly. Dude is obsessed with the God-Man. I’m surprised that I’m not irritated by this.
I actually think about Jesus all the time, and this also surprises me. I have no problem buying in to the idea of a man who was not just a man, but the son of God. I can accept all the miracles, including the resurrection of the God-Man himself. The problem I’m having is in believing that such a being would have an interest in me.
I imagine Jesus standing on a mound in front of me. He is glowing, and unspeakably beautiful. I have an urge to run toward him, to reach him, even if only to touch him. But in-between the spot where I stand and the place where he reigns, lays an ever-expanding pit that becomes a valley. The valley is filled with vipers, shadows, and skeleton bones. These detestable lurking things represent my past and present failures, my faults, and my regrets. How on earth could I get through this vile and dangerous valley? How on earth could someone like me ever reach Jesus?
I tried explaining this to Ethan over the phone. I swear I could hear his emerald eyes twinkling the moment I mentioned the name Jesus.
‘Oh Addy,” he said.
I love it when he calls me that, Addy, short for my middle name, Addison.
“Don’t you know how much you are loved? Look at Jesus again, but this time don’t stand still. Reach for Him Addy, and He will be with you. Don’t you know He’s just waiting for you to ask? As for the vile things, give them all to Him. You don’t need them anymore.”
I want to believe Ethan. I do.
It just seems too simple to be true.
KAC
The photo above is by Irish_Eyes at: http://morguefile.com/archive/display/101481
2 comments:
Kristen, you are so close, mate! Here's a thought to help you with that chasm ... it's the cross that bridges it, that makes the way between God and you. It goes OVER the chasm, OVER all the stuff you've done, and there's no danger of you falling in on your way over, because Jesus Himself is standing there with His hand out to bring you across. He holds your hand firmly, doesn't let go, you can't fall in.
And all that stuff that's in the chasm gets washed away by His blood once you say "Yes" to Him. He washes it away, washes you clean, and that stuff is gone forever. Not only the stuff you've already done, but the sin you'll still occasionally commit because you're human gets washed away in that perfect flood. Can't get much better than that!
He's waiting for you, Kristen. Just reach out your hand and say "Yes!"
We're praying for you like mad!
All our love,
Phil & Caddie
Love you Phil and Caddie!
Kristen
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